I have really bad news for people turning 26 next year.
You’re actually going to be 30.
There are no fun times between the ages of 26 and 30. It’s not like after your 21st birthday where it’s all parties and drinking and pretending to be an adult when you actually still have no responsibilities. From 22 to 25 you can still stretch out that last semester or two of college without people wondering what’s wrong with you. You can plan a career that’s going to take 3-5 years of experience and not feel like you’re wasting your life while you schlep to work and do the same thing every day.
After 25, you have no grace period before turning 30. The numbers just get scarier and scarier because no matter how well or terrible you’re doing in life, the next year is going to come up and make you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything. It all happens so quickly, and you end up doing things you never even thought about.
You make more money, but still pretty much live on the same amount because of expenses people still don’t tell you about like health insurance, monthly metro cards, and $50 Uber rides for when the MTA kicks everyone off the train.
You get fatter after being skinny all your life because they bought a cake for Jen from sales and even though you only spoke to her once by accident when you dialed the wrong extension, it’s still cake and it’s going to go to waste if no one eats the rest. Then you have some more cake two days later for Tim whose last day is tomorrow. Then more treats again because they had a bake sale for charity and you’d look like a douche if you didn’t donate.
Because you’ve never been fat before and it’s happened so quickly, your knees and ankles hurt more. Because your ankles hurt more, you need to go to the doctor, but there’s a lapse between your last health insurance and your company’s new insurance and you have to pay for the visit. The doctor tells you to wear better shoes which is what you googled at home, but you wanted to be sure there isn’t a tumor in your leg because when you were having cake for Jen from sales, she told you about her aunt who has a tumor in her brain and thought it was just a headache from always wearing headphones. You just paid $130 to hear someone tell you something you read on Mayoclinic.
You spend 3 hours online the next night looking up comfortable shoes but then decide you have to try them on to see if they’re actually comfortable. Or should you just buy in-soles? You’re now wondering if you have high arches. You’re now googling how to tell if you have flat feet or high arches.
You go to sleep late because you spent all night reading about foot problems. Then you lay in bed worried about how if you died in your sleep, the last thing you googled was 50 tabs about foot arches and comfortable shoes.
After clearing your browser history in the morning, you rush to get the train that you spent $130 on a metro card for just to see it’s delayed. Then you spend another $50 on an Uber to get to work for a phone call meeting that you don’t even have anything to say in and try to keep yourself awake while everyone else discusses things you have no clue about.
After a day of Googling work problems and submitting reports that you hope no one questions, you head home to your apartment where you pay way too much rent, and order food that’s unhealthy but cheap, yet somehow still cost you almost $30 because the minimum for free delivery on DoorDash is $15 and you need to tip the driver because it’s raining and their salary is probably based on tips anyway. You then have to spend the rest of the week eating struggle meals because the fear of not having rent for next month sets in after you spent half of your weekly food budget in one day.
You have two choices during the weekend: enjoy it or don’t. Either way the whole two days will fly by. You can’t really sleep in; one reason is because there’s so much shit you have to do that you can’t waste any time and another reason is because if you sleep past 8am you’re going to get a headache that could be a tumor like Jen from sales’ aunt had. After running errands and cleaning, you’re either too tired to go out, or don’t have enough time to get ready and decide to cancel (which isn’t so bad anyway). You spend the night googling diet and exercise plans that you’ll never stick to.
There is a period of time when you’re about to turn 28 where you get a boost of motivation. It’s a special time where you debate taking things slow in life to enjoy the little things or trying to get as much done as possible. For a little while you accept getting older and decide to seriously cut off anyone or anything that doesn’t give you what you want, help you progress in life, or make you happy.
I’m not too sure how long this period of time lasts because it’s what I’m stuck in right now. The older I get, the more I see how necessary change is, and the less scarier it is.
Also, I’ve got pretty perky boobs still, so I still have that to keep me feeling young.