selflessness

The easiest thing… for me at least… is to be passionate about someone. To be so in love with them and to show that in the smallest ways. Some people believe in big gestures to show their significant other how much they care about them but for me it will always be the little things that matter more; the little things that you can physically or mentally look back on and feel good about. Fancy meals, reasonably expensive things, and big actions will always be nice as well but you can never put a cost on memories and small things that show that you were thinking about someone. Love letters, dainty items, and pictures are the things that hold the best memories and give you the best feelings. Simply being with someone alone and talking about everything and anything are things I’ll always choose over going out to a lot of places when it comes to falling deeper in love with someone.

Of course someone can say I’m the biggest hypocrite about these things; I’m hungry almost all the time so I always want to go out to eat and get food, I like going to new places from new restaurants to parks to museums to vacation spots- anywhere that seems amazing, and I probably wouldn’t turn down clothing or makeup if I was offered. You can look at a lot of these things and still feel like the fact that someone took you or went with you to these places or bought you these things really cared about you but nothing will beat the feeling of reading a letter someone sat down and took their time to write and think about- whether it’s a short, simple note or a long essay confessing their love to you. Having someone free their time or tell you how badly they need to see you even if all you do is sit around and have nowhere to go means more than it seems.

Those are all the things that tend to fade when people get to know each other and get comfortable with each other. You’ll go from constantly talking to each other all day and planning your weekends or days off with them to barely having conversations other than the usual “how was your day” and not seeing each other for weeks at a time even if you both live in the same city. The letters and small gestures slow down and only when there’s a birthday or holiday coming up do you ever really buy things for each other. It all may not stop completely but having to overly express your love starts to become unnecessary when you’ve been together for a while or when you’ve just gotten comfortable with each other. The beginning of a relationship also known as the “convincing” phase has passed and there’s no need to be two puppy dogs in love anymore. The reality of it all sinks in that you can finally tell each other things without worrying about if they’ll like you or not and things can easily get out of hand.

It’s hard in this generation to be with someone without everyone telling you that you don’t need them. After hearing, being, or seeing relationships where people get mistreated or rely on each other too much, everyone has become too selfish. You can give your all to someone and they’re still not going to give themselves back in fear of getting hurt or being toyed with. No one believes anyone and the only solution to avoid getting hurt or looking foolish is to not get too involved in the first place. The same people who tell you or show you that they don’t need you will still want to keep in touch or talk to you because they don’t really want to be left alone. Everyone will always expect to receive more from the other person than they themselves are actually willing to give, which makes everything pointless. Two stubborn people will never get anywhere. We’re all raised to believe that we deserve the best without having to show someone the best we can be. People are supposed to magically know you’re amazing and that you can take care of them- once they actually prove to you that they’re worth it. Everyone is basically saying ‘if you’re not kneeling down at my feet then this won’t work, but don’t ever expect me to do the same for you first’. No one wants to take the risk of doing that if it’s not going to work out.

You see it everywhere- people saying they have no problem with moving on with their lives if you mistreat them even once. People walk away at the first sign of disrespect when in fact it’s just a case of miscommunication. People think they’re getting treated poorly because the other person prefers a different style of relationship or just doesn’t know exactly how to be in one. Subliminal messages get thrown around instead of actual straight forward communication because we all expect each other to know everything after dating for years.

It’s hard to keep things going. It’s really difficult to tell someone that you don’t like something they do without them thinking you don’t like them altogether. No one wants to hear that you don’t like them after you’ve told them they you loved them. No one wants to hear that they need to change something after you’ve fallen in love with who they are. No one wants to change period because we were raised or told that everyone should like us for who we are. We should embrace the people we become instead of trying to better ourselves for someone else. It’s all true- you should love who you are, but you have the power to change things you don’t like about yourself. But the moral of the story that our parents, teachers, and everyone tells us is that it’s all about you, you, you (or me, me, me).

I find it hard to be selfless sometimes- to give someone all you can without always wanting or expecting something in return, to do something for them out of complete love and wanting to see them happy. It doesn’t feel good to have your actions go unappreciated or to not have the things you say or do be acknowledged in the way you hoped they would be. In the end it makes us happy to see each other happy, so not telling each other that can cause too many problems. Once again, miscommunication hurts more than it intends to.

As for myself, no matter how many times I try to, I’ll never have it in me to just walk away before I completely give myself to someone. Until I utterly have given and done all I can to make things work. I might have too much hope for things… which is probably the only piece of optimism I have in me these days.

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